How to Be More Present In Relationships with Non-Judgement

One of the great quandaries many of us will face during our lives is learning how to be non-judgmental.

And while we may not even realize it, within us all is an innate urge to compare ourselves to others.

It’s only natural. In fact, research has shown that the act of sizing ourselves up against other individuals was a way we built prosperous societies and fundamentally guaranteed our very survival.

However, in this age of self-awareness and collectiveness, relying blindly on your own biases is counter-productive. And, perhaps it could be argued, judgmental behavior is now somewhat contrary to building strong communities and, at a fundamental level, getting along with one another.

So how do we turn judgmental behavior into tolerance and acceptance?

Non-Judgmental Behavior

While not always easy, you know with such polarizing political views and such, how do we reframe from judging one another and start accepting other people for the way they are?

Try following the below tips to help you out.

1. Adopt A Non-Judgmental Perspective

Many of us see things in black and white when in reality most things exist in different shades of grey. When you listen to someone else talk or watch something they are doing, it’s easy to filter their opinions or actions through your own biases, oftentimes labelling those opinions or actions as good or bad.

This way of thinking can lead us to focus on what’s not really that important. Rather than simply deciding why something is good or why something is bad, instead, we should focus on how and why things are the way they are.

In doing so, we begin to shift our perspective from judging to understanding.

Here are a few ways you can help you adopt a non-judgmental perspective:

• Be aware of judgments that may appear. Constantly watch your thoughts and be witness to any judgmental thoughts that may arise.

• Now, recognize these thoughts. Do not cling to them or entertain them, simply recognize that they are there.

• And lastly, allow these thoughts to dissipate. Once you have brought awareness and recognition around any judgmental thoughts, it is time to allow them to dissipate and not dictate how you perceive others.

2. Use Non-Judgmental Communication

Pointing fingers at someone’s actions or opinions aren’t that helpful to either party. For one, you are making a judgment that they are doing something wrong, a subjective action that may not necessarily be true. And secondly, if they are doing something that isn’t healthy for themselves or others around them, your judgments are likely not going to encourage them to change or improve themselves. 

In fact, it’s likely to have the opposite effect.

Instead, keep things close to home. Focus on voicing your own needs in a way that isn’t critical or negative. This involves keeping an open mind and rather than being judgmental adopting a curious mindset is a better form of approach.

Here are a few tips to help you adopt a non-judgmental communicative approach:

• Listen to someone’s points of view in its entirety before coming to a conclusion or opinion on what they had to say.

• Adopt non-judgmental phrases and terms like “interesting” or “please, tell me more” instead of words like “good”, “bad”, “right”, or “wrong”.

• Avoid generalizations. Remind yourself that everybody is different and every circumstance varies from one to another.

• Start by asking what they think of their own actions. Instead of offering your opinion on a problem they may be having, listen. You might be surprised at how often they’ve come to a similar conclusion as you may have done.

3. Embrace Non-Judgmental Listening

Non-judgmental listening involves working to understand where someone else is coming from. It goes beyond just listening to putting yourself in their shoes, an approach to help build compassion and understanding on a deeper level.

When someone is talking to you, try putting aside your own views and biases. Your own views will simply distract you and impair how well you are likely to understand where someone is coming from. Your aim here is to not criticize or judge the person you are listening to, it is instead to simply listen and understand where they are coming from.

To help you out, here are a few pointers on non-judgmental listening:

• Accept that whomever you are listening to may have a different opinion. But, instead of rushing to disagree with them and offer a difference of opinion, try instead to respect and accept their point of view.

• Be genuine in your approach. Your body language and tone of voice can often come across as condescending or judgmental without you even realizing it.

• Be as empathetic as possible. Endeavor to really listen to what someone is saying to you. If it helps, imagine you are in the other person’s position and are trying to explain to you how exactly things are feeling.

Final Thoughts

Although not easy, particularly when you fundamentally disagree with someone’s actions or opinion, it is important to your mental health and those around you that you be as non-judgmental as you possibly can be.

Non-judgmental skills are very handy to have up your sleeve and are likely to serve you both in your professional and private life. Non-judgmental skills are a sign of leadership and are sort after in many workplaces. And, people quite prefer non-judgemental friends, so your new skills are likely to help you in that department as well.

You know, a great way to help bolster a non-judgmental approach is to write yourself a list. A simple set of reminders to refer back to whenever you need a refresher on some of the tips within this post.

If this sounds helpful, why not download the Simplish app from either the Apple Store or Google Play Store. That way, whenever you have a difficult conversation or feel yourself being a little judgy you can easily go through your list and see how to brush up on your new set of skills.